I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i think i have two assholes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
