The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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