In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
