my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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