I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
