why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How drunk are you?
Completed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
