I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
