Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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