don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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