I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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