I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
