I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My ass is underappreciated
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
