Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
