he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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