I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
