it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
