I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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