I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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