we have pet lesbian snakes
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
