i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
