and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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