Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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