I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
