And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
