so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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