So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
