I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
