I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize