he was CRYING into my vagina
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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