woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
