Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
