I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize