the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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