Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
