If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
