Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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