So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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