apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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