Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
