Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
