Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
