Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
