FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
