Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
