I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize