im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
