You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude i'm inner monologue high
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
