Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
