what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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