is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
