Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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