Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
