I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
