I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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