Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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