I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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