This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
