I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
