OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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