and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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