Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
