you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
