Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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