I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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