hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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