I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
