Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
