Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
