i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
