Princesses don't give blow jobs
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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