he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
