i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
