I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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