My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
