life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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