So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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