Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
