Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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