When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
