quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
tell me about the eggs
Randomize