she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sorry about my life...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
