I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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