my soul wont recognize me after tonight
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
