guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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