Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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