I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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