It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
